Why can’t I just relax?

Wednesday's appointment was long with 6 vials of blood and TB skin test and a very short u/s glimpse of inside. In that 2 min glimpse Dr was able to see the little one and told us that everything looks good. I on the other hand, didn’t see anything, but my DH said that he saw a heart beating away. So, yesterday I started thinking that I haven’t even let it sink in that it’s sticking and that I should be more exited and positive about it. When I was just about to relax, out of the blue yesterday night I developed horrendous lower back pain, so bad that lying down wasn’t helping at all. It was very hard to find comfortable position, until I had one pillow between my legs and one extra billow behind me. This morning I woke up with dull lower back ache, however the rest of my symptoms are almost none existent. I started googling away and found lots and lots of bad things. I was suppose to call my Dr. anyway because my TB skin test showed positive (apparently since I was born in Russia I got BCG vaccine that shows up as false TB positive) and asked for Dr. to call me back re: back pain. Dr. explained to me that it was probably just an episode that there is usually no need to go to the ER because there is nothing they can do at this point and you would have to spend long time in the waiting room. She also said that usually one single thing doesn’t mean anything it’s the combination of things that matters. I so want it to be true in my case. Every time after Dr. appointment I tell myself to think positive to just concentrate on work, DS, DH, home, whatever could keep my mind off it, but every time when I’m resolute that I will try not to think negative my body gives me another reason to worry. If I was reach like Tom Cruz I would be buying myself u/s machine in a heartbeat but since I’m not, I just have to settle down with all the worry. I was actually thinking about ordering Doppler, but then decided that since it’s a bit too early, I would probably drive myself crazy trying to find heartbeat. On the website they say you can hear it as early as 8 weeks but I don’t believe it, they don’t even use Doppler in Dr’s office until you are about 12 weeks along. We’ll see how long I’ll be able to keep myslef away from ordering it. I just so want to be one of these women who tell everyone as soon as they find out because they think that if something bad suppose to happen it will happen. I, on the other hand, am trying to digest and suppress all my worries and not to show anything on the outside. I guess, this is why I just can’t relax.